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What is your biggest fear?

Olà!

I am sure we all have fears, which are silly or not rational, but who are ruining our life.

Mine is … to have to speak to someone one the phone! Don't laugh ! I am serious, that's the thing I dread the most! I can't explain. I am fine with talking with persons face to face, even strangers, that's not a problem at all, but as soon as it comes to phone talk, then I panic. I feel like I will not understand everything or make mistakes, forget what we are going to tell me, or what I 'll have to say. Things like that. This is terrible, I swear. Sometimes, I feel like crying, when I know I'll have to handle a phone discussion , even with friends or relatives! This is really ruining my life, and I don't know how to deal with this.

I thought that may be sharing this, would help me

What's yours?

~Juan~

September 29, 2017  ]
in Everyday Life | 2 comments
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Comments:

by Still Sarah on September 30, 2017  ]
#1

(I accidentally destroyed my first reply to you, so let's hope I do this one right. )

Okay, I have the exact same fear, and it's only been the last eight years or so, that I have learned how to overcome enough of this phobia as to make my time on the phone half-bearable. I'm probably a lot older than you, so you can appreciate that I spent about 40 years crying and sometimes puking, before I made a call. I still have to take a pretty strong sedative before I dial the phone.

First of all, are you scared only before you dial, or are you scared all through the talk?

Before you talk, and I hope I don't offend you, I've found a sedative of some kind is VERY helpful. It can be herbal if you prefer, as long as it's effective. Then while you wait on that to take effect you can do a little yoga, which has the purpose of calming the mind and clarifying your thoughts. I'd say 1/2 hour of the easier movements should be enough.

You should also make a list of what to say. Now, you can make up this list days in advance, or longer. It's totally up to you. What you put on it, depends on who you are calling. If it's a relative or friend, then put down a few topics to discuss. I would suggest that you put down topics that your friend/relative might want to discuss, NOT you. The reason is, you want to avoid talking a lot yourself until you are ready for it. So we want to encourage your relative/friend to chat the most.

This has the added result in that it will teach US how to speak better. We all learn by example, right? So, let the other person do the teaching! The more friends you listen to on the phone, the more you will learn how to manauver a discussion on the phone.

It's harder to talk on the phone than face-to-face, because on the phone, we cannot see the tiny little facial expressions on the other person, that tells us how we are doing. If they are bored, or exited, or interested by us. We are totally lost and NOT in control and that is very frightening.

So when you make your list, you are more in control. Also, put down a few sentences that you would like to be able to say. You make the choice(I can't do it for you). I also decide what the other person might say to ME, so I write down some good responses.

You are probably laughing by now, but this works. I learned this trick in theater, when I realized that by memorizing my lines, I never, ever, make a mistake when I talked. So why not use the same technique when on the phone? Put down what you think you might say. Put down what you want to say. Then have the discussions in your mind. I have a really good imagination and I can half dozens of chats in my head and practice over and over. I swear, this works!

I need to take a break, Juan. My hands hurt! We can talk later about talking to strangers. -- Still Sarah

October 01, 2017  ]
#2

My biggest fear is... the Human Being. I think "we" reached the summit of our evolution around the mid 80's, at the moment of the fall of the Wall of Berlin. From this moment on, our society has been slowly collapsing, because of people becoming more and more silly and uneducated (as I was saying at another topic), and things are getting worse. Now I worry about what could happen.

Dora

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