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[Family]

Suicide and Blame

I was on a forum a while back, and someone had written a post concerning the adult child of a friend. The child had committed suicide, and the poster of course was very upset. What bothered me a bit, however, was that she was pretty pissed at the dead guy. I understand that anger is one of the stages of grief and blah, blah, blah(it's true), but she seemed to have skipped right over the other stages, and was pretty much ranting about how selfish this poor guy was.

She went on about how the family had done all they could, and had tried everything, and had helped him in every way. On and on.

Well, that is probably bullshit. I'm sure the poster thinks the family did everything under the sun, but that is doubtful. Yes, yes, I know that in some cases, a family really will pretty much destroy itself to save an ill child, but that is usually not done.

My experience is that when someone in a family is ill, the family might--might--make an attempt to help in some way, but only if it is to their own personal advantage.

One of my siblings came to my rescue once, actually drove to my state and picked me up. I was astonished! I cried. I couldn't believe anyone in my materialistic family cared enough to bother.

Ha ha. There was a reason for this display of affection, of course. She had problems at home with a renter, and was also being abused at work, and she needed someone to back her up and support her. Okay, I understand that. What else is family for but to protect? Right?

Isn't that right?

She was actually living in my mother's house(Mom living elsewhere with a friend). This was considerably cheaper for my sister than to pay full rent while going to college. Again, I hear that. I used to pay full rent and tuition while living on my own and working two to three jobs at any given time, so I know more than most American kids how fricking hard it is. It truly sucks.

So living in your mother's home free of rent is probably pretty smart.

The problem came when the sister's stressful situation eased up. She then decided a depressed, ill sister was of no use. I wasn't any fun, anyhow. I didn't like drinking or drugging or going to parties, or screwing cute guys. I didn't rant and rave with hate towards the Evil Left. I was fricking boring as a rock.

So she sent her boyfriend over to the house to tell me they were sick of my "sitting around, crying", and that it was "time to leave".

Yup. I was depressing and ruining their enjoyment of each other and of my mother's house.

Several years later, when I was abandoned by my husband, who left me destitute and diseased(philandering pig, but that is another story) and in a battered women's shelter, this same sister told me that I had "made my own bed, and now I had to lie in it.”

I mean, WTF?? As far as I know, I am the only person in my immediate family who is a square. All the members, old and young, have far out-done me in sexual partners, drinking, partying, and recreational drugs. So I guess being married to a scumbag and being beaten was me “making my own bed”? What a BITCH.

This sister is now running a business that caters to children. She saved up money living rent-free in our mother's home, and then she and her S.O. moved to another state. My mother is now alone and ill in that empty house.

Life is good for some.

With the members of my family, as long as there are vacations to be had, his and her motorcycles to be bought, new homes to be built, sexual partners to be found, mountain bikes to be attained, and shopping trips to accomplish, you had better not be unlucky enough to become ill or injured.

by: Still Sarah

7 comments

December 01, 2014
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7 Replies & Comments

I think people say things when they are traumatized that they might not actually mean, and certainly they say things that never, ever should be said aloud. Your friend I'm sure was sorry for what she said later.

by: G-804

Message #1

February 21, 2016
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Being angry at the person who committed suicide is natural, though. I went through this phase with someone I knew who killed himself. First I grieved, then I was super-pissed. I was angry for a couple of years I guess. I knew it wasn't fair or rational, but I couldn't help it. I'm still sort of disgusted after all this time. I feel like I wasted my affections...

by: G-863

Message #2

March 22, 2016
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I've been in the position of being suicidal and I'm appalled that anyone would be angry! First of all, who gives any of you the RIGHT to be angry at me? Where were YOU when I was crying? When I was depressed? When I needed someone's hand? When all I saw was darkness and was lost? You were off having drinks with your good buddies and didn't want to be with the party-pooper, so as far as I'm concerned, the family and friends have NO say whatsoever, in giving opinions in the deceased affairs! I would rather have strangers take care of my body and have strangers at my funeral. I would pay for this, because they at least would be kind, and have no feelings of anger or resentment. Yea, I think that is the way I would go.
You self-righteous jerks!

by: G-864

Message #3

March 25, 2016
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Well said ! I can't believe how a "normal" person could expect someone who is so tortured they see death as the only way to get relief, to think rationally. Some people are experts at "don't grieve them look what it did to me" Me Me Me. If they ignored cries for help they should feel guilty because regardless if they won't to admit it or not they played a role. It is a devastating situation regardless, for all involved.I have seen the damage it does. It has a ripple effect in the lives it destroys. The few who have the presence of mind to make it look like an accident spare their loved ones a lifetime of guilt.

by: G-880

Message #6

April 01, 2016
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Amen to guest #3 !! This is Soooo true !! Nothing else to add as you've taken the words outta my mouth!!

by: G-866

Message #4

March 25, 2016
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One of my siblings had a friend who was pretty, popular, and a star athlete at school. One day, she took her father's rifle, walked out into a field, and shot herself. Her family claimed they had no idea she was depressed. Yeah, sure. Poor child.

by: G-867

Message #5

March 25, 2016
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Of course they knew their child was depressed. They just didn't think she would kill herself. Their guilt must be astronomical.

by: G-919

Message #7

April 21, 2016
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